Across the globe, the rate of divorce is expected to decrease for various reasons. When discussing a reduction, it’s essential to acknowledge that divorce rates were higher in certain years and countries. In the United States, scholars attribute the high divorce rates to the diminishing stigma around divorce and increasing financial independence among spouses. Notably, individuals aged 50-75 years are more frequently seeking divorce.
In other countries, divorce rates are lower due to financial dependence between spouses. Additionally, in certain cultures, women must repay the “bride price” received from the groom, and in others, the groom must repay the dowry received from the bride, both of which act as deterrents to divorce. While marital problems push couples towards separation, social norms often pressurise them to stay physically together despite being emotionally disconnected.
Underlying Causes of Marital Issues
Marital issues often do not arise within family life itself but are carried into the marriage by the spouses. Ambitions, desires, and needs drive individuals to seek life partners who can support or fulfil these aspects of their lives. When people find partners who align with their wishes, they feel happy, often mistaking this happiness for divine confirmation in their choice of a spouse.
Families primarily consider social status, financial background, job profile, and income, when evaluating potential matches for their children. For the couple, physical features and sexual attraction are paramount. Additionally, caste and religion play significant roles in partner selection. Although individuals may have personal weaknesses, these are often concealed if their outward expectations are met. The spouses usually strive to conceal their weaknesses from each other, which fosters a competitive spirit between them. This can ultimately damage their relationship and marriage.
A common adage regarding marriage posits that the initial lust and intimacy endure for approximately ninety days. At this juncture, the partner’s weaknesses become glaringly apparent. As the spouses did not foresee such flaws, they struggle to accept or overlook them. Consequently, even minor issues can provoke anger and frustration, leading to discord that is not easily resolved. This short-lived infatuation is illustrated in the Bible through the story of Amnon’s lustful behaviour towards his half-sister Tamar.
But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” – 2 Samuel 13:14-15 (NIV)
The Role of Women in Marriage
In the beginning, God said it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18) and created a helper (ezer) for Adam. At that point, Adam was serving God by naming all the creatures of the world, yet he had no companion. God created woman as a companion, uniting her with man in marriage as helpers (ezers) to each other. In scripture, the word ezer refers to God as our help, the one who comes alongside us in our helplessness. Since God is not subordinate to His creations, the idea that an ezer-helper is inferior to man is untenable.
While many Christians view a woman’s role as subordinate to a man, the original Hebrew word ezer challenges that notion. The woman was not created to serve the man but to serve alongside him. God’s intention in creating the woman for the man was for the two to be partners in the many tasks involved in stewarding God’s creation. This understanding could reduce the number of divorces caused by a sense of self-dependency.
Are we working with God in His mission to save the sinners of the world, or are we working alongside the enemy, hindering the work of God?
Raising Godly Offspring
In a biological family, the primary aim is to bear children and multiply. The Psalmist fervently prays to God for deliverance from those who seek only worldly blessings, including the bearing of children and leaving a legacy, rather than teaching them the ways of God as outlined in Deuteronomy 6:7-9. God blessed Abraham specifically for this reason (Genesis 18:19), yet we often seek blessings to satisfy desires influenced by the wicked.
From men by thy hand, O Jehovah,
From men of the world, whose portion is in this life,
And whose belly thou fillest with thy treasure:
They are satisfied with children,
And leave the rest of their substance to their babes. – Psalms 17:14 (ASV)
People often believe that bearing many children is a service to God, thinking that by increasing the size of their families, they are also expanding the Kingdom of God. However, beyond this concept of a biological family, Jesus established a spiritual family for His mother, who stood alone witnessing His crucifixion. This spiritual family was constituted by Jesus at Calvary, with its initial members being Mary and the beloved disciple. God desires to create spiritual families who will remain true to Him at all times. Even in the Old Testament, God revealed the purpose of our creation.
Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. – Malachi 2:15 (NIV)
When we are cleansed by the blood of Jesus and become a new creation, God entrusts us with the responsibility of raising godly offspring. Unfortunately, spouses sometimes fail to unite their hearts in fulfilling God’s will and instead act contrary to it. For instance, Adam and Eve encouraged each other to eat the forbidden fruit, and Ananias and Sapphira conspired to deceive the Holy Spirit, forgetting that God is omniscient and nothing can be hidden from Him. These stories serve as warnings, reminding us to guard our ways and avoid such foolish actions.
Reasons For The Decay Of Spiritual Families
Even within spiritual families, the worldly trend of choosing spouses has crept in. Additionally, Christian churches provide pre-marital counselling to couples on how to live as husband and wife. Unfortunately, Paul’s advice to the Corinthian church is strictly adhered to by all churches and institutions, emphasizing the importance of maintaining couples’ relationships through their physical connection. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul advised husbands and wives to actively engage in sexual relations (1 Corinthians 7:2), preferring sex for the bonding of husband and wife rather than the fear of God. This has become a fundamental lesson for all Christians entering into marriage.
Paul addressed the issue of grave immorality in the Corinthian church and, to guide them away from their sinful behaviors, he recommended healthy sexual relations between spouses. However, regardless of the original context, this advice has now become a trend among believers, encouraging newly married couples to focus on their physical relationship, often neglecting the moral and constructive values of a spiritual family. Thus the guidance given to the Corinthians to maintain sexual relations with their own spouses to curtail immorality has become the main theme of marriage. Paul was concerned about separation, even for the purpose of communion with God, fearing that it would lead to extramarital affairs (1 Corinthians 7:5).
What holds the relationship of spouses together in today’s context? Do we treat our spouses as mere errands to be managed, or do we treat them with the same reverence and respect we give to the Holy Spirit, our spiritual guide? Do we have the grace of God to discern the vibes of our spouse, guarding against ungodly guidance or hindrance in our relationship with God? Or do we succumb to the tricks of the devil, who uses our spouse to separate us from God? Only when our relationship centres on God and the purpose of raising godly offspring, can we overcome the devil’s tricks, all while loving our spouse in a godly manner.
Marrying A Non-Believer
To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. – 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 (NIV)
Paul openly acknowledges that his advice is not inspired by the Spirit of God but is purely his own human opinion. Unfortunately, this idea of Paul’s is widely practiced among believers, leading young men and women in Jesus to believe they can bring someone into the fold of Jesus by marrying a non-believer. This misunderstanding distorts the concept of God sending His Son as the path to eternity and places undue emphasis on religious principles. Interfaith marriages are often conducted either with one spouse converting to the other’s religion or through mutually agreed-upon civil ceremonies that exclude religious involvement.
In both scenarios, the believer often hopes that their partner will eventually accept their faith. This expectation is fueled by Paul’s idea that the non-believing spouse will be sanctified through the marriage and that their children will be holy. However, can one’s faith truly be changed through interfaith marriages? The Psalmist provides a fitting response to such a misguided notion.
No one can redeem the life of another
or give to God a ransom for them—
the ransom for a life is costly,
no payment is ever enough—
so that they should live on forever
and not see decay. – Psalms 49:7-9 (NIV)
In contrast, in another letter to the Corinthians, Paul advises believers against marrying non-believers. Although Paul was instrumental in spreading the Good News to the Gentiles, it is important to remember that he once persecuted believers based on religious principles. Religions frequently contribute to division, and when families of different faiths unite through the marriage of their children, both families often experience internal conflict for compromising their respective religious values.
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? – 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (NIV)
Paul’s advice is often interpreted in the context of religion rather than an individual’s commitment to God. Are there not differences of opinion among spouses within the Christian faith? Do we not find unbelievers among Christians? Do we not find followers of Jesus outside the Christian religion? If so, why should believers not be joined together? If men and women within the Christian faith, despite varying levels of faith, are yoked together, why should we reject men and women from different religions who diligently follow God from getting married?
Furthermore, Paul struggled to find common ground between people practicing various religions. If we shift our focus from religion to Jesus, we will see the grace of God and the significance of Christ’s sacrifice as unifying elements.
He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. – 1 John 2:2 (NIV)
An Eye Opener
Despite believing in Jesus, we often disrespect the institution of marriage by expecting things that the ungodly seek. When God first created man and woman, they were naked and unaware of it until they disobeyed God. Disobedience leads to confusion, but if we begin to obey God in all aspects, our marriages will be holy, just like the one God Himself solemnized in the Garden of Eden. Jesus also taught us about the concept of marriage in His kingdom.
Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. – Matthew 22:29-30 (NIV)
We would be mistaken if we continue to lead our marital lives for trivial pleasures. Let the principles of heaven be reflected in our marriages, and one day we will dwell in His presence like the angels in heaven.
The Jordan Valley 
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