Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” –John Gardner
Identifying “Self Pity” within ourselves is challenging because we often perceive it as a justified act. Self-pity conceals itself behind the facade of spirituality and tempts us with superficial religious practices such as listening to spiritual songs, watching worship services, reading the Bible out of habit, depending on other’s prayers for healing, praising God by reading out from books of “Thousand Praises” compiled by a publishing house and reciting prayers without true conviction. Despite these spiritual disguises, one may struggle to recognize the presence of the sin of “self-pity” within them. These spiritual practices give them the satisfaction that they are pious and their acts are just. While many sins manifest when we observe them in the lives of others, “self-pity” cannot be easily discerned in this manner; instead, it tends to intensify in such situations.
Lack Of Generosity
Once self-pity takes hold of a person, it becomes extremely challenging for them to recognize this characteristic within themselves. The consequences of this negative mindset begin to overshadow the individual’s natural behaviour, leading them to retreat into a fantasy world, detached from reality. However, the grace of God is capable of overcoming any situation, and through the Word of God, it is always possible to identify and eliminate self-pity from anyone’s life, regardless of its current stronghold.
Self-pity takes root in our lives when we allow external forces to dictate our generosity. Generosity is commonly understood as the willingness and liberality in giving away one’s resources, such as money and time. It represents a freedom from pettiness in character and mind. However, when it becomes controlled by external influences, we find ourselves succumbing to pettiness in both character and mind. The scriptures impart the lesson of unconditional love, encouraging us to lend a helping hand without expecting anything in return, and to extend love to all, regardless of whether they deserve it or not. When our generosity becomes controlled, we tend to focus more on feeling sorry for ourselves rather than addressing genuine needs, regardless of the circumstances.
Jesus faced temptation in the wilderness, battling the lure of sin and the temptation to satisfy His hunger by turning stones into bread. Had Jesus succumbed to self-pity, His focus would have shifted from fulfilling the will of His Father to merely satisfying His physical needs. Self-pity, in a similar manner, can hinder us from utilizing the abundant resources provided by God to fulfill His will in our lives.
We are surrounded by rich resources, and above all, God has gifted us with His Living Word for our sustenance. Our reliance on this Living Word is crucial. Through the scriptures, we gain insight into His promises, His unfailing love, and the assurance that He is our provider. However, when we fall victim to self-pity, the truths revealed through God’s Word may appear as falsehoods to us. As we struggle with the discomfort of the truth, we may seek solace in superficial worship and find comfort in the spiritual lives of familiar individuals rather than embracing the Word of God. Our strong connections with the world can detach us from the guidance of the Holy Spirit, leading us to fixate on our fantasies and disregard the reality presented through God’s Word in our lives.
The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
Matthew 4:3-4 (NIV)
Focusing On People’s Support Rather Than Listening To God
When we succumb to self-pity, we cease to listen to God and instead seek support from others. We focus on people’s support to gain them as our lack of generosity drives them away from us. When the expected support is not forthcoming, we begin to complain and disrupt others’ connection with God. Martha’s behavior towards Mary, expecting her to assist in meal preparation for Jesus while neglecting Jesus himself, serves as a compelling example. This pattern is a key indicator of self-pity, as individuals prioritize their own spiritual satisfaction but hinder others from engaging in a genuine communion with God. Martha, leveraging her relationship with Mary, attempted to sever Mary’s connection with God by asserting her entitlement to benefit from Mary’s labor.
She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!
Luke 10:39-40 (NIV)
The life-giver was in their midst, yet Martha failed to fully embrace His presence and seek eternal life, opting instead to concentrate on meal preparation. It remains ambiguous whether her actions were driven by hospitality or self-service. As Jesus’ stay prolonged, the need for her to prepare food for herself, Mary, and Him became increasingly pressing.
In today’s context, individuals partake in meal preparation during home prayer meetings under the guise of preventing others from going hungry. However, in reality, they should also ensure that their own families are provided for. Those who are unwilling to forgo a single meal in order to spend time with God will be required to observe a number of days of fasting as a demonstration of their righteousness. True fasting entails foregoing a meal and devoting oneself to the presence of God during home prayer meetings. It is important to recognize that self-pity can manifest when serving others becomes a pretext to serve ourselves.
Money Lures People Towards “Self-Pity”
Today, people spend much of their time earning money and speculating on the sources to increase their money rapidly. In this pursuit, people appreciate their talents, knowledge, and labor that enable them to make money and subsequently forget God, who provides all these blessings. God nurtures everyone’s family, giving them a job or any avenue of income, and sometimes He gives them the strength to earn money despite their ill health and weaknesses. But forgetting God’s mercy, people become victims of self-pity and lament their ability to earn despite ill health and weaknesses. These thoughts make them value their earned money at the cost of their relationships. They regard the money more than everything and even start valuing their relationships in terms of money.
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
1 Timothy 6:10 (NIV)
To secure the money they have, they separate themselves from everyone and spend their lives in loneliness, and if anyone tries to help them to overcome their situation, they view them as thieves who have fixed their eyes on their money and their property. They are frightened and everything seems to them as a threat because of self-pity.
Judas Iscariot was the disciple entrusted with handling money among Jesus’ followers. While the other disciples remained devoted to Jesus and His teachings, Judas developed a love for money that led him to betray Jesus for 30 silver coins. His selfish concerns for survival and his growing attachment to money ultimately led to his downfall through “self-pity.” This self-centered attitude can lead us to separate ourselves from others and, ultimately, from God, causing immense suffering.
Lamenting Over The Past
Self-pity prevents individuals from fully engaging with the present, instead encouraging them to dwell on the past and dread the future. Reconnecting with their own community holds no significance for them, as they have already retreated into solitude, finding it challenging to interact with others. They view any opportunities presented to them as shameful, compounding their misfortunes by speaking negatively about themselves. They reject the new blessings bestowed upon them by God to rebuild their lives, opting to remain ensnared in isolation and mental anguish. When consumed by self-pity, they struggle to find happiness.
When Naomi returned to her own people with her daughter-in-law, she did not appreciate their greetings. Instead, she spoke of the past and, consumed by self-pity, she showered shame upon her and her daughter-in-law. In her despair, she even chose to change her name from Naomi to Mara. It was a manifestation of her emotional turmoil and unhappiness.
“Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”
Ruth 1:20-21 (NIV)
Self-pity prevents individuals from embracing the new life offered by Jesus, as they feign to have embraced it by relying on external spiritual practices. Outward acts of spirituality do not lead to inner transformation, and despite these religious facades, one might find it difficult to acknowledge the presence of the sin of “self-pity” within themselves.
Having the trait of self-pity, her return to her hometown was not motivated by love for God. Instead, it was her outward display of spirituality that drew her back to God’s people. Without recognizing God’s love and His plan, she was unable to fully appreciate her homecoming. Because she did not come back to her God, her FOMO (the fear of missing out) supposedly brought her this far, an outcome of self-pity.
Posing As Introverts Due To Self Pity
An individual with introverted tendencies tends to find comfort in internal contemplation rather than external stimulation. They prefer the company of a few close individuals over large social gatherings. It’s important to note that introversion should not be confused with timidity or shyness.
Some individuals mistakenly identify as introverts when, in reality, they manifest traits of self-absorption and cowardice. Despite their inner insecurities, they are able to engage with others and navigate crowded environments when necessary. Internally, however, they harbor feelings of shyness and cowardice, often failing to recognize others as equals and instead treating them as subordinates. Their self-centered nature leads them to disregard the emotions, personal space, and needs of those around them, as they prioritize their own desires above all else.
Posing as introverts, they demonstrate minimal interest in the issues affecting their own community. Instead, they channel their concern by discussing breaking news incidents such as the deaths or suicides of unknown individuals or celebrities. Their sympathy is superficial, confined to mere words rather than meaningful actions.
If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care—then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Philippians 2:2-4 (MSG)
For those who have distanced themselves from others and from God, will following this guidance from scripture bring about any change? Certainly not. It is crucial to recognize this harmful inclination within ourselves at an early stage, by practicing generosity, ceasing to seek support from people, using money for its intended purpose, and valuing others above ourselves.
For those who are already deeply entrenched in this behavior, it is our responsibility to pray for them to overcome this situation, as they have surpassed the stage of self-realization. Do not despair, for our God is capable, and He will rescue them.
Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.”
Matthew 19:26 (MSG)
The Jordan Valley 
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